The Hidden Trap in “I’m Saying This for Your Own Good”

We’ve all heard the phrase “I’m saying this for your own good.” It’s usually meant to express concern or offer advice to others. We tell ourselves it’s fine because the other person means well, because they care. Yet something in our gut tells us it doesn’t feel right. These words don’t come from a shared reflection or a request, but rather as a statement without context or invitation.

This is why it can hurt more than it helps

When someone says “I’m telling you this for your own good,” it can imply that they know what’s best for you, even when you haven’t asked for their input. This can feel like a judgment or criticism and can leave you little space to respond or share your own perspective. Saying “I’m telling you this for your own good” is not the same as saying “I care about you.” True care means promoting the other person’s wellbeing, inviting them to participate, respecting their autonomy, and valuing their perspective. Assuming we know what is best for someone else without asking takes away part of their sense of value and agency.

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t communicate difficult truths. In relationships, as well as in therapy, it’s possible to share hard messages, to question, to challenge, and to raise doubts. But we can do this while also staying with the emotional truth of the other person.

How you can reframe it

Next time you catch yourself about to say “I’m telling you this for your own good,” pause and ask yourself whose good you are really speaking for. That small moment of reflection can transform a potentially hurtful exchange into one of understanding and connection.

If you find yourself struggling with communication, feeling unheard, or wanting to understand your relationships more deeply, support is available. At recoverED Clinic we offer telehealth psychology sessions across Australia, helping adults explore their thoughts and emotions, build insight, and develop practical strategies for connection and wellbeing. Contact us today to book a session and take the first step toward healthier, more authentic communication.

Note: The information provided in this blog is for educational purposes only and is NOT intended as medical /psychological advice. Please consult a healthcare professional for personalised guidance.