Shame in Therapy: why it happens and how we work through it
Ever caught yourself thinking: “I feel too ashamed to talk about this” . If so, welcome to the club. Shame is one of the sneakiest roadblocks in therapy, but the good news? Understanding it is the first step to kicking it to the curb.
Why Shame Shows Up in Therapy
Shame in therapy often comes from our instinct to be liked and accepted. From childhood, many of us learn that being “good” or appearing capable earns approval, love, or safety of our parents and peers.
Fast-forward to therapy, and guess what? This dynamic can unconsciously repeat itself:
We share the parts of ourselves that function well and feel socially acceptable.
We hide the messy, anxious, or “oops” parts
We might even try to “please” the therapist, like they’re a parent whose approval we crave — even though we know, intellectually, they’re a professional here to support us.
It’s totally normal. But it does make talking about the very things that brought you to therapy… tricky.
The Therapist’s Role
In therapy, the dynamic is different from other relationships:
We are neutral. Our goal is not to judge, like, or dislike you.
We are here to care for your wellbeing. Whatever you bring to the session is welcome.
We help you make sense of experiences safely. Therapy is a judgment-free zone to explore tricky emotions.
Once you realise your therapist isn’t going to gasp in horror at your “confessions,” you might find yourself easing up, bit by bit. What you feared would be judged? Turns out, it’s usually met with understanding. And slowly, shame loses its grip.
Think of shame not as a brick wall, but as a neon sign pointing to your most vulnerable (and often most healable) parts. Sharing these safely in therapy can be transformative. It helps you feel seen, understood, and supported.
Ready to drop the shame and be seen? Book a session today at recoverED clinic— you don’t have to do this alone.
More resources
Ted Talk - Brené Brown: Listening to Shame
Reading:
Brown, B. (2007). I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough." Gotham Books.
Dearing, R. L., & Tangney, J. P. (2011). Shame in the Therapy Hour. American Psychological Association.
Note: The information provided in this blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical /psychological advice. Please consult a healthcare professional for personalised guidance.
