I will do anything to stop feeling. Coping with intense emotions…

2 Sept

Ever felt so overwhelmed you’d do anything just to switch your feelings off? Maybe you distract with work, numb out with food, scroll endlessly, drink too much, or ghost everyone in sight. If this sounds familiar, breathe, you’re not broken, You’re human. As eating disorder psychologists, we often work with people who feel like their emotions are “too much.” Let’s talk about why that happens, and what you can do about it.

Why Intense Emotions Feel Unbearable “Emotional Tsunami Alert!”

Our emotions are wired for survival; they’re supposed to grab your attention. Sadness signals loss, anger signals injustice, and anxiety signals danger. But when emotions feel overwhelming, your brain switches into emergency mode, and your body does whatever it can to make it stop. That’s why you might find yourself thinking, “I’ll do anything not to feel this.”

The Quick Fix Trap

It makes sense. Short-term coping, like binge eating, drinking, self-criticism, or numbing, can feel like relief in the moment. But here’s the catch: quick fixes are like putting a Band-Aid on a broken leg. They work…for about five seconds. Then the feelings come back stronger, and the cycle continues: big feelings → quick fix → guilt → even bigger feelings → repeat. “Ugh why doesn’t it ever stop?” you might think.

Why We Struggle to Sit With Feelings

If you grew up in an environment where emotions weren’t safe or welcome, you might never have learned how to ride them out.

We weren’t taught how. If you grew up in an environment where emotions weren’t safe, welcome, or validated, you may have learned to push them down rather than ride them out. So your brain learned “feelings = danger.”
Our culture worships “good vibes only.” Society often tells us that happiness is the only acceptable state, so when feelings like sadness, anger, or anxiety pop up, they get labelled “bad” and must be eliminated.
Trauma wires the nervous system for survival. If you’ve experienced trauma, your brain can interpret emotions as dangerous, flipping you into fight, flight, or freeze mode.
Perfectionism plays a role. For those who hold themselves to impossible standards, emotions can feel like a sign of weakness or “losing control.” Anything messy or uncomfortable = failure.
We expect them to last forever. When a wave of sadness or anxiety hits, it can feel endless. In reality, emotions rise, peak, and fade if we let them.

Put simply, struggling with feelings doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you never had the chance to learn a different way.

What Helps Instead - Feeling without losing your mind

The goal isn’t to erase emotions. Emotions are here to tell you something important, so trying to erase them is like unplugging your smoke detector; you’ll miss the warning. The key is learning how to sit with your feelings without being swallowed whole. It’s about learning how to ride the wave safely. Simple skills can help:

Grounding is your best friend. When emotions feel overwhelming, tuning into your five senses can pull you back into the present. Notice the texture of your chair, the taste of your coffee, the sounds around you. Even small, simple actions, like splashing cold water on your face or pressing your feet into the floor, can calm your nervous system and remind your brain that you are safe.
Move your body. Intense emotions are stored in the body, and movement is one of the fastest ways to release that energy. Dance, walk, stretch, do a mini Pilates session. Anything that gets your blood moving. Your emotions will still be there, but your body will feel more in control.
Name the feeling. Sounds simple, but it works. Try saying it out loud, “I’m feeling anxious” or “I’m feeling sad” can help you separate you from the emotion. It’s no longer a tsunami that’s swallowing you; it’s a wave you can ride.
Talk it out. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust, a friend, a therapist, or even a journal, can take the pressure off. Sometimes saying the words is all your nervous system needs to stop feeling like it’s on red alert.
Breathe like your life depends on it. Because sometimes it does, metaphorically, at least. Slow, intentional breathing sends a message to your brain: “Hey, we are safe now.” Techniques like 4-7-8 breathing, box breathing, or even just a few long exhales can dramatically reduce intensity.
Therapy is a toolkit. Working with a Psychologist can teach you more advanced skills for tolerating intense emotions without self-destructive coping. DBT skills like distress tolerance, mindfulness, and self-soothing strategies are specifically designed for this.

The magic happens when you practice consistently. At first, sitting with emotions might feel uncomfortable, or even unbearable, but over time, your nervous system learns: feelings come, feelings peak, and feelings pass. You survive. You thrive.

Remember: the goal isn’t to feel less. It’s to feel safely. Your emotions are signals, not enemies, and with the right tools, you can handle whatever comes your way.

The Truth?

You don’t have to keep running from your feelings. They’re signals, not enemies. With practice, and often with support, you can learn to feel without being consumed and overwhelmed. And in the process, you build resilience, self-trust, and freedom.

If this resonates with you, reach out to one of our psychologists who can help you explore safer, kinder ways of coping with emotions that feel overwhelming.

You don’t need to do anything to stop feeling. You just need support to learn how to feel them safely.